Thats not true. You dont have to apologize for anything, just be overly thoughtful to see what happens. Im also not comfortable with pretending to agree with people because its dishonest. The policeman juts wanted to get away and not deal with her. You can say things like is that all that is bothering you? or please if there is more, tell me, When they are done venting out, you should still acknowledge their feelings. Even though the past can sometimes be destructive, Cancer can't help but hold on to it because it feels so familiar to him. Im not saying youll enjoy it. The term irrational people is used to describe those who exhibit irrational behaviors. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. They might be used to endless chatter that leads nowhere. I think another thing that has helped my writing is continuing to explore how I feel about things. Gifting in this way, in your circumstance, even though it may be undeserved is giving your neighbor a choice to be the way they are (unchangeable) or a new way that they didnt consider before (self-reflective). Just thank her. I can forgive and forget. He even admitted to me one day that it was too late for him and hed never change. Yes, there is that pacing and leading example I use. Youre family, adopted, worthy of love because you exist. How you described the person to be feeling is very accurate. In other words, if he was at a rodeo, his yelling would seem appropriate for the situation. Thanks so much for your comments and questions. basically glorified prostitution. Logic usually guides us to a more beneficial outcome, with knowledge of consequences. Instead focus on how you will communicate: verbally, by email, by video conferencing or whatever method is most agreeable to both. Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), previously called rational therapy and rational emotive therapy, is an active-directive, philosophically and empirically based psychotherapy, the aim of which is to resolve emotional and behavioral problems and disturbances and to help people to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.. REBT posits that people have erroneous beliefs about Either way, I am open to all perspectives, even ones that want to make you throw this article out as irrational. You may want to listen to the emotional triggers episode too: As far as reasoning with unreasonable people, forget it. All rights Reserved. If you agree, you might get sucked in too, but to a lesser extent typically (because more energy goes into getting people to agree with you, so once you do, they spend less time working on you so to speak). He decided he wanted to keep wrestling so he said, Come on, lets wrestle!, I said, No, Im done. He said it again, Come on! Its just not going to happen. Do this calmly, and give people the time to let you through so that you can move your way to the front of the plane. You may get a ferocious reaction (because it sounds like he has a victim mentality and everyone is wrong but him) but it would certainly give him exactly what he needs to process and do something with. You are welcome! Standing there saying yes, you are right, i am an a**hole and agreeing, genuinely, to all how they feel about you without really explaining why you are like that seems weird to me. Then as in Step 1, employ conversation-deepeners to enable them to get their upset off their chest. Doing so will only to increase the emotions of the situation, so its important to bite our tongue and listen earnestly. Submissive people can have a lot of repressed anger. He told me about it, and I did exactly what Ive been talking about: I paced him. I could probably relate to your other stories. So sorry! Even if you have a good reason for not contacting them, they might not listen. I susiect she could even be a sociopath or psychopath. These occurrences are happening more and more, and Im very concerned. Its a miracle to have not cracked myself. My definition is this: An overreaction. Next mass killer: Dropped case foretold Colorado bloodbath. I am a jerk.? It may be exactly whats needed to snap them out of their unconscious state of mind. Most people's anxieties are not very serious. So, we advise you to take advantage of the information we provided. In light of the fact that the fear seems to be extremely real, there may possibly be a valid basis for it. In this case, even though I didnt like the guy, I chose to relate to and understand him. Answer (1 of 3): Must be writing about self, because it is impossible to assess the workings in the mind of another. You know the type, they always answer with, Im sorry, thats our policy. Have you ever tried to explain something to someone but they just didnt get it? And, It doesnt even matter who was right in that situation, because the point I wanted to make was that he was just under the line of irrationality, but his body and temper were on high alert. But, even if what they say hurts you, this is the worst time to respond to what they are saying. But if you can learn to exhibit some self-control when someone gets into this more excited state, you can usually calm the situation and help them fulfill whatever need they have in them. They stopped their bad behavior and learned how I prefer to be treated. Apologies it took me a while to get back. Its horrendous. When I got off the plane and into the first hallway, I saw her standing there. Hitting me. What I meant was how do you visualize dialogues to put them down effectively? It could have been much more unpleasant if it hadnt unfolded the way it did. Its a good way for hearing people to practice communication and get ideas down quickly. However, what we see from our perspective is someone yelling inappropriately and seemingly out of context. So, what you should do at this point is to share the facts or data you have concerning the matter or issue that is happening. There are of course quiet people who are quiet because they dont have much to say. Which can push you into a state of irrationality. I cant think of anyone who has ever stood up for me. Good morning, remember to please me enough today, or Im abandoning you tomorrow. People arent stupid. She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette, and featured on Oprah, as well as on the unique and popular website Inner Bonding. And when weve been irrational, there was usually someone who told us to calm down or look at things a different way. My answer was that he truly believed what he was saying to me. You will notice that they are now unconsciously pacing you. There are other ways ofpacing and leading, but when it comes to bringing people out of a hectic or frantic state, its a good tool to keep in your toolbox. A solution to where there are no losers perhaps would be to explain that you thought he said $10 and you would be glad to return the tires or meet him in the middle and do $15/each. If I were in your shoes, I would take the more direct approach and let him know that I still love him even though he blames me for his error, but not many people can do that or are willing to risk their family relationship. This time, the responses are often to get even or to give an ultimatum. I remember times with my stepfather, Oh, a thought just came to me (this is what happens when Im writing, thoughts will occur as Im writing due to associations in my mind). She was sleep deprived and severely overreacted. You should understand that irrational people speak and act from the place of emotions. This can drive the emotionally connected person batty because all s/he is looking for is an emotion, not a logical response. Nearly the same situation happened with he and my sister nearly a decade ago, and they have not spoken word one since to give you some perspective of how bad this can get with him. Its a personal choice that makes my life a whole lot less stressful. How can I show that she is crazy and should not have been accepted as a credible witness? She said ludicrous things to the police and they, like everyone, scrambled to get away from her insane ramblings. And the same question goes to you do you support him and help him become as happy as he can be? If irrational thoughts are taking over your mind, you may find it helpful to change what youre doing. Who knows. Experience will tell you which is most helpful. Even if just to prove to yourself that you can solve the problem, that is based on an emotion. (Dammit, I love you. I dont think we know each other personally, ;D but Im glad my replies were relevant! Lots of great points! I realize this is sort of an open-ended answer but however youve been up to this point hasnt worked so it might be time to try something else. What advice do you have for married couples? Too much alcohol will create irrational behavior. Should I have just let her start screaming? Well alright Elliotte! This can be incredibly difficult. One who loves you will want you to be happy. Because youll find that reason simply doesnt exist in an irrational person. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. They are afraid of her too. Facebook Twitter Reddit WhatsApp Telegram The Overwhelmed Brain specifically disclaims any liability resulting from the use or application of the information contained in the blog, podcast, services, books and products, and the information is not intended to serve as medical, psychological, legal, financial or other professional advice related to individual situations. How to deal with irrational people? You might want to listen to my episode on anxiety and panic, as what I talk about in there could be helpful for you to narrowing down exactly what is causing you the trigger. He's very used to using emotion to solve his problems, which only means he's always emotionally invested in them, so this time try hitting him with some logical options. My friend walked away winning. I wont lie, you gotta be ready for it. It was like a chicken exploded. Or do I really need to stay and make sure all goes well here? I never berated anyone for their feelings, but hoped they would take a second look at what they believed in. In fact, you want to be careful with all of these steps because someone in this kind of state where they are acting irrationally has the ability to do irrational things. Its just that these people rarely ever manage to convince me theyre right because their beliefs and opinions are based on emotion and illogic. Fulfilling their needs may not fulfill yours, and that is usually the hardest part because it might mean doing something they want you to do, but you dont. As a result, these people follow those feelings and tag themselves with negative things. The only problem with that, like you stated, she may get much worse. Each person has the right to offer goods and services to others on the free market. As for being triggered by them, I recommend drilling down into the reason youre triggered. I appreciate you commenting and sharing this. The first thing we need to do is define what irrational is. Irrational people can be your friends, family members, business partners, colleagues, employees, customers or clients, and so on. The next day, he asked me when I was going to pay the forty dollars for the two tires. Its caused me a lot of hardship and suffering, How can I get the police, landlord and others in authority to support me and not her? If you discover them, think of a way that you can merge what you desire or want with theirs. Of course, perhaps I do this naturally and I dont even realize it. Opening the gate with a stick. We both went into the conversation knowing we were right so defending my position would only have led to bad feelings. Do they take you on a spaceship? and so on. I saw Pauls winkey-smiley-face below this comment, and it bothered me slightly be careful Paul! Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2017. But what if the need is impossible to fulfill? How you learned to tell a story could be different from other people, and youre good at it so was there any extra work you had to do (e.g., resources) that helped you get your storytelling ability to where it is now? They try to use facts when facts are worthless. They believe they know that what they want is rational, and sane. And now youre in a bad state of mind. You are doing the best you can, and you are worthy. Thank you for sharing this. Then I calmly sat down and said, I told you I dont want to wrestle anymore., It seemed like an eternity before he got back up. I mean, if i see or experience something awful, i would naturally want to know why, as that would somehow put things into perspective. Honestly, its been a nightmare of deception. When you have thought about it, do not do it. It sounds mean and cold, but its the only way to get through to infatuated people like this. When Leo is acting irrational, it's hard not to want to roll your eyes at him. She has self harmed in the past and this makes her parents even more inclined to do anything to appease her, agree with her irrational statements etc in fear of losing another of their children. Since they are highly emotional and do not make use of logic, they only stick by what they feel and perceive. Once you get there, youll be first in line to get out. Nowadays, I write blog articles when I get a chance some having nothing to do with episodes. In fact, their attitude undermines our spirits and our desire to undertake any task with them. I am serious. I dont hold grudges. When that happens, both parties cease to act or interact rationally, and the conversation turns into something emotional and unproductive. They listen to their 2. Science backs this up. If they are so irrational they wont listen to you or anyone else, be even more irrational than them. I had never met someone so irrational and aggressive before. Leading is when you behave the way you want them to behave. 33 percent of public schools offered full-time remote instruction to any students in June 2022. A man obsessed is not someone you want around you. Otherwise, why communicate? Whats more, by knowing who you are and remaining calm, youll avoid escalating the situation to the point of no return, and nothing they say or do will affect you emotionally or personally. That helped me access the emotions of what it was like not having anyone there for me. Help him deal by designing a plan of action for him to follow with lots of detail so that he can find a sense of order and control again. If you do, dont get sucked into her drama or lies. Remember to slow down, be patient and watch your reactions. Thats why irrational people can often get what they want. With my friend and the tires, since I preferred to keep the friendship, and especially not get into a fight, I chose to submit. Learn how to deal with an irrational person by recognizing signs of their behavior. I emphasized words such as open, free, and breathing easily during our conversation.My primary goal was to help her get through the flight without making her claustrophobia worse. Thanks for the reply. Yourcase pprobably wasnt one of them though but she does sound like an energy vampire. Anyone who thinks less is simply irrational. For some zodiac signs, it's having to deal with everyone else's problems and not being able to talk about what's bothering them because no one wants to hear it that's their tipping point. After all, no one wants to be hurt! If you had known, then there would have been no problem then you are not seeking opinions. Its cute, then annoying, then frustrating, then scary, then (sometimes) dangerous. I would need to know more for sure, but I think with a person like this, Id just ask So what do you think should be done about the situation?. 10 signs a married female coworker is attracted to you at work, The psychology of podcasts and how they satisfy our need for connection: New research. My example of the airplane ride in this article is a great example of that. Im trying to do my best to help her but its not going to well. Sorry you have to deal with this. I lived in fear most of the time and dealt with his irrational behavior on a nearly daily basis. The idea is to be so flexible in your pacing that you come to a place that is comfortable to THEM, not necessarily YOU. Who cares about your job? It could be that the person cannot figure out how to get a message across, no matter how hard they try, so they get into a tizzy because its so frustrating. The irrationality goes into full gear, no pun intended, when the suspect drives faster and thinks he or she can keep control of the car while going way beyond the speed limit. by This is suicidal. Its always going to be a problem no matter what we do!, And if thats the case, Id reply, How can I help you avoid the problem in the future?, If they reply, You cant! As a person regarded by others as rational, I sometimes have a hard time dealing with people who act irrationally. Before writing, figure out the lessons and the way out so that others can learn from my experience. Its not about us, its about them. Or at least help you to communicate with them on another level in order to get through to them. Now if you really feel like you need to teach them how to treat others, that is certainly your prerogative. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Youre letting them know youre absolutely listening to what theyre saying, and you understand everything theyre saying. Any ideas? Obnoxious and rude people thrive off resistance. At first, he might play off his irrational behavior by saying that everything is fine, so you'll help him out, then he'll turn vicious and mean. Honestly, this is pretty much the best way to approach almost any situation. A little background information may help explain the situation better. She once pushed me against a wall and caused a graze. So, tell them that their feelings are not misplaced, and you get why they feel like that. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Her fight or flight response kicked in and nothing I said mattered. You want to do your best to catch someonebefore they go over the top when theres still a chance to communicate with them in hopes of bringing them back to a more rational place. Of course, dont confuse a raised voice or a highly emotional state with irrationality. BEING committed and loving, especially to the unlovable, improves us greatly, and our rewards come regardless of the choices of our difficult spouse. When you do this, it will help diffuse and calm them down a little. I have several bullet points now: Feelings of being wrong or bad when youre a child, feeling of helplessness, low self-worth, dealing with abuse, and pertaining to your question: No one is around to help me out. What makes him the most irrational, though, is that he's unable to let go of the past. A nightmare. Do you ever watch those cop videos where the officer is trying to talk rationally to a heavily intoxicated person? Instead, a still-true, yet not quite as pure and harsh reply might do the trick. And with this explanation, Jais needs would be met in a similar fashion to the lady on the plane (but please note that this does not imply that Jai is irrational even rational people and rationally-acting people have emotional needs to be met). Wow! Maybe some good changes are on the way for you too. (2) : not endowed with reason or understanding. I wholeheartedly agree with you that you should not take abuse. Separation can be loving at times, or even getting them arrested and visiting them in jail for 20 years, but there IS a marriage, regardless of the level of happiness or care between them. Theyll take a while for anyone to read and have plenty of value for hearing impaired people. The place to go for sane and rational discussion, you can search the archives on Google Groups. What do they look like? Escalation of commitment is a human behavior pattern in which an individual or group facing increasingly negative outcomes from a decision, action, or investment nevertheless continue the behavior instead of altering course.The actor maintains behaviors that are irrational, but align with previous decisions and actions. Now were having fun, except our years of fighting created a rebellious irrational 18 year old that would be in danger to move out now. Maybe she thinks that they are weak and pathetic. 2. Amazon.com: Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life (Audible Audio Edition): L. J. Ganser, Mark Goulston MD, 5.0 out of 5 stars Practical, no-nonsense techniques for dealing with the irrational people in your life. It wont be easy. And it helps to keep a level head in order to get the best possible outcome. I know how expensive transcribing a show that is a hour long can be, and whatever you decide to do is fine (with me, at least). wait at least half an hour before trying to re-engage. The detached person has trouble doing so and always talks calmly and rationally to the emotionally charged person. She didnt care about anything else. I just found my plant in the garden and put it back on my kitchen windowsill. How tragic would that be? Thus, knowing the thoughts are irrational is the beginning of understanding. I was not even in my kitchen or the house when a plant from my kitchen window fell down into her yard. You may or may not have experienced it, but if it never happened, its time to consider that maybe they arent out to hurt you but they just cant figure out any other way to communicate. Everyone knows or has met at least one irrational person in their lives. Irrational behavior is called irrational for a good reason. In my opinion, she is reaching out for someone to stand up and be a source of strength where she feels weak (or vulnerable). In this article, I want to give you some useful strategies that you can use to deal with irrational people. They filter out positive things and stick to the negativity. Im so glad I found this article, I am currently dealing with my mom being very irrational and my whole family has no idea what to do or how to go about it. Well, you cant see her yard from my kitchen window. I need to make this a simple question that involves dialogue with others, since thats one of the things about how you switch perspectives I was wondering about. When Capricorn is acting irrational, he climbs up on his high horse and refuses to get down for anyone. When you know someone will always be the way they are, you stop looking for signs theyll change. This is someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". When you act more irrational, you are being more flexible because you are acting in an unpredictable way. Hence my guess that this is a transcript of the podcast. 2022byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Even though we all experience our version of irrational behavior from time to time and it is understandable, it doesnt make it easy to deal with someone who is acting irrationally. The trick is to reel their irrationality back in so that it doesnt escalate. You might take what they have to say too personally and wont be able to handle it. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook. When all Im actually doing is questioning their opinions, using logic and reason. Happy and peaceful days to you. If they seem to have calmed down, perhaps you can talk with them about the situation that triggered them to respond from a wounded place. If you are with someone who blows up at random things, then you are in an unstable environment. If I try & explain something or lay out the facts hell purposely yell over me or call me a liar. My lawyer was weak and not competent. A lot of these tips rely on you outright lying to people, which I personally think is immoral, even if you are doing it in the name of helping them. Self-reflection comes easier when theres compassion in the midst of chaos. Thank you again for sharing so much and for being open to what Ive written here. Just think about someone whos getting chased by the police. Instead, the argument tends to spiral out of control with neither of you listening to the other, and it usually gets ugly. Again, just be careful with it. I realize this skirts along the lines of gut instinct, but even gut instinct has a path of logic when you respond. Thank you for this information. Now, does this behavior happen when youre not around? Sometimes you can reel them back in, sometimes you cant. More specifically, a phobia is an irrational fear that is out of proportion compared to the threat of what is feared. When you bring these ideas from your past out into the open and analyze If a person is overreacting, then you know theyve already gone beyond logic and cannot be reasoned with. I was in contact with his wife and she said you know how he gets there is no way they will go down now. And for some people, irrational behavior can sometimes go on for years. You dont know who you are. Dont do it. What do you do when their demand is impossible to fulfill and the more understanding you showed, the angrier they became? Have you ever talked to a customer service agent who just didnt understand why you were so angry? I found your fantastic words of wisdom. It is possible there is some emotional abuse going on because someone who loves you will support your happiness, not threaten it on a daily basis. You may tell yourself that surely there is something you can do. In March, 2011 she slammed the communal front gate in my leg because she was angry still that I had watered a hanging basket the afternoon before. I want to have a relationship with you but not if you are always blaming me for something you did!). Either get out of the way or do what you can to keep them from harming anyone. Im not suggesting you do this because it will likely mean losing him as part of your family. Great to connect with you too. If you are not clear, he will continue. With boundless erudition and in delightfully clear prose, Surowiecki Be still, keep yourself grounded and look at them directly. This is the second least obvious power, but the most effective. Theres a point where if the person youre supposed to be able to share anything with isnt sharing back that you no longer have a relationship. If you always feel bad for what you did (even though it sounds like you did nothing wrong), he will feel superior. And when it becomes apparent that there is no solution to the situation, we should be prepared to walk respectfully away. This needs to be present before you get into a relationship at all so that if you are both emotionally healthy when you enter the relationship you might actually have a great chance of staying together in the long-term. See me as most other people see me. I like your polite explanation about the marvellous and frightening brain. If its around dinner, do something different for dinner, something you dont normally do. Shes paid work men to lie about me. A 100 times more deceitful. Let me tell you what I did. You might actually make a friend as well. Anyway, I hope this helps! Sounds like this goes pretty deep! How she does it? But Im glad to choose the path I did for obvious reasons. Some tools against a wall. I dont know what youre situation is, but listen to their words. Then a conflicting thought of No 4 year old deserves punishment and that helps me access my teaching mode (the lessons). Then the next day was the Im not frightened of you.. incident. Gave me a victim support card and advised me to have a phone on record constantly if she was around. Wow! I could be completely wrong, but if I were going through this, I would find a way to remove myself from the equation. I can tell you are passionate about this issue and theres very little you said that I disagree with. So I get it, for sure. According to astrology, here is how to best deal with an irrational person, by their zodiac sign,by that person's horoscope birth date. And even though he was angry, he was still rational. Our lizard brain is the lowest level of behavior or the closest we get to responding to lifes events like an animal. When they cannot, then you should state out your facts or data again and speak more on them. Sometimes, just knowing they are being heard is all that is needed. I have been scapegoated and blamed. Ive done the 4. Everyone who communicates (which is everyone) wants to be understood first and foremost. Its amazing what a small amount of empathy and respect can do. Can it be fulfilled? I also stay out of victim mode while I write, but arent afraid to show emotions as they are more about being vulnerable (a place of power) not a victim. Sometimes its necessary, if the situation is bad enough. Ever. Narcissistic rage occurs when that core instability is threatened and furthermore threatened to destabilize them even further. Mark Goulston, M.D., Rage Coming Soon From A Narcissist Near You. An irrational Pisces is one that is very impractical and whiny. Sir Louis & Princess must deal with the aftermath of Love. Then I stopped taking them too seriously when they were angry. Im wondering if that conversation ever took place in a way where it was safe for the daughter to cry, scream, hate the world, hate God or get angry or whatever I wonder if the daughter simply doesnt feel safe to express because she wasnt allowed to? I have a feeling is was meant for another comment. Two things I dont do. For example, if someone was drunk (and was a somewhat aggressive or violent drunk) and picked up a baby, I would have no problem lying to them to retrieve that baby to keep everyone safe. Put yourself in their shoes. Well do this every night and were sure to catch them on film.. Their daughter, now in her thirties, is completely irrational and says awful things to them and about them and others, that are not true and terribly hurtful. When you are more flexible in your behavior, you probably notice she isnt as irrational (like you said). When they feel understood, and know they arent alone in their struggles, and you can sense that you are now getting along well and have good rapport, now when you say things, they may start to agree with you. If you take it personally, then you get sucked into that story and emotion. Thats IF you want to change and IF you want the relationship. Also, theres a matter of personal boundaries. Learn how to deal with jealousy and insecurities in a relationship so that you can overcome this emotion and strengthen your partnership. Dealing with an irrational person can be difficult because you're stuck between wanting to help them and knowing that no matter what you say, there's always going to be a slim chance that they'll actually listen to you. Im always finding out new information that contradicts something I already believe, and when that happens I change my belief accordingly because I actually care about whats TRUE. My neighbour takes offence at absolutely anything and everything. For all intents and purposes, well call rational thought reality. What an excellent value add. The person in fear will often feel like its never enough and the person providing will often feel like they dont have enough to give. Ive been all over the internet for days looking for something like this. Just remember then irrational people are just trying to fulfill a need. Economists and behavioral scientists use a related term, The best way to deal with an irrational Capricorn is to just let him do whatever he wants. Always talk directly to ME, not the reader. Basically dodging out of responsibility by trying to take the higher ground, and wasting time to frustrate people and throw them off, while they continue to stir things up around the house such that they cant simply be ignored.its tearing a family already once separated by divorce and I hate the fact that I feel like I cant do anything to stop it. Each zodiac sign exhibits irrational behavior differently, but if there's one thing they all have in common, it's that they don't want to listen to anyone else try to tell them what to do. Im not saying thats your particular situation, but it is in a lot of cases. Don't get him wrong, he's not lazy, he just has no idea where to start. NPR's brings you news about books and authors along with our picks for great reads. It takes discipline not to jump in and try to get the other person to stop acting crazy. Most of us want so much to avoid the feeling of helplessness over others that we will do almost anything to not accept this reality. oh well youre just gonna have to wait like the rest of us. What do you know about psychopathy and sociopathy? Those with personality disorders are going to throw everything at you (not necessarily intentionally). I also offered for them to go down from that day to a longer date than they were planning. Antagonistic individuals are a hindrance. Instead, give them a chance. Oh wait, just figured it out. but I didnt start out that way. Why solve a math problem if theres no meaning in solving it? The soil of the plant was strewn all down the steps. Its not followed up with any action. When I think about this process, I realize that I wont write unless I know the answers or some sort of solution. I say this having over 20 years working with people with challenging behaviour and who use cognitive distortions in maladjusted attempts to cope with poor emotional management. You need to accept yourself. Thich Nhat Hanh. Now, of course, in any marriage, the most important component is to love your spouse by supporting them and wanting them to be happy, sometimes at a cost. No matter what the police do to convince this person, they will not pull over. Deal with him by helping him "wean" off the past and introduce healthier choices. Thats not always possible of course. Lachlan Brown She was becoming irrational. I said more emphatically, No, I dont want to!, He persisted, Come on, lets go. I wanted to say something quickly. The more flexible someone is in their behavior, the more likely they will control the system. When we try to argue, defend, explain, yell, etc., we are buying into the crazy. , Thanks, Paul. Someone pointed out that she skims under the radar of getting sectioned. If they overreact and are now acting irrationally, dont disagree with what they believe to be true. Not just because the advice is coming from someone who isn't himself, but also because he doesn't want anyone to think he needs help. Perhaps thepatron feltlikehe wasbeing disrespected and cheated. One by one, each person let her pass. It was worth saving a friendship on what was probably an honest miscommunication, rather than be attached to being right. I tried to control her irrationality I guess. This mutual ground can help to lift your conversations with irrational people off emotional grounds and focus their attention on coming up with a solution. For example I was saying goodbye to a workman from my door. Im talking about when people say and do things that seem excessive for whats really going on. He's very smart, but sometimes he just needs someone to point him in the right direction. Shes not capable of remorse or accepting she made a mistake. And like a soldier who follows an order without question, she went on her mission tapping on shoulders and moving up the aisle. Id rather get closure with someone, even at a loss, then keep the negativity between us alive. This one comes to mind: http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/the-family-curse-do-you-become-who-you-are-around-family-or-who-you-used-to-be/ And remember, if someone is acting difficult, theres likely a reason for it. However, if you reflected on your third response, and it is not to find a solution, then you should keep reflecting on your responses till they become rational. Acknowledge Their Emotions. If the timing is that impeccable where you pretty much know when its going to happen, then theres likely a correlation between her behavior and something she doesnt want to address or face. We will know more about what sort of compromise might work if we have taken the time to listen and ask questions. Thank you for your comment. How to Deal with Backsliding Okay, youve found yourself backsliding. I mean, really, whats going on in there? I am a quite soft spoken person. Oh, Paul, I wish I had found you back in 2011. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". So, to avoid issues with them, you might have to try to keep in contact with them every day. Period. Oh and another thing she does that is creepy. Its a matter of learning what makes them happy and supporting that happiness as much as possible.. He'll want to prove to you that he can still act like himself, even when he's not in his right mind, so he'll manipulate you into thinking that he knows what he's doing. He became more rational noticing how irrational I was getting. Yes, you might not understand their feelings, but they need to believe that you are on the same page with them. Her craziness was petty and her behaviour criminal on a minor scale. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. I must stay, for now, but the constant daily irrationality is tearing our family apart. How did you learn to narrate stories in the way you do? Well, if you can think of anything I can do, let me know because I really want to help. Great stuff! She is just getting worse and this is causing her family emotional distress, though of course they do not feel they can walk away from her. What happened next?. Of course, you could always make it easy and say, I know somethings wrong. At the reunion dinner he got very agitated with a cousin about the seating arrangement and practically got into an altercation with her. A real eye opener. According to Buddhist philosophy, happiness comes from inside you, rather than anything external. Anything less than unconditional love is merely like/lust, and cannot alleviate the fears of not being cared about. Let him take the credit and give him a pat on the back, and he'll feel much better. I would ask them to confront her straight on and tell her they love her and would do anything for her but they wont stand by and take her abuse. Most irrational people dont give others that courtesy Then what? Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. I met someone with aspergers who wanted to be famous with music, in a band, he told this to my mother and he didnt understand why I wasnt supporting him. If youve been kind and apologetic and he wont accept it, it might be time to firm. If I dont have a witness or a recording device I am vulnerable to her false allegations. She gave me a hug and said she felt so stupid but wanted to thank me for helping her. But these judgements hinder your interactions with them and thwart you from understanding them. Hes broken agreements mostly over how to split things monetarily though were both pretty successful in that department. Whether he tries his hardest to stay in control or just lets it happen to him, when Virgo is acting irrational, he can get picky and overwhelmed. EXATLY the same with me all the time. No one should have to live like this. I use to write 10,000 words at a time (see this post!) This incident only came out as the story she claims years later. Perhaps those willing to take leaps of faith find that path faster. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. But again, IF you want a relationship with someone like this and you want to be able to communicate with them about important subjects, youre going to have to be open and non-judgmental and not go into argument mode in order to get anything out of him. So much so that you'd better be prepared for him to shove you away at first if your idea of dealing with him is helping him. These people can be quite impossible to live or work with because they allow their emotions to control them most of the time. And after he said that, what did you say?. Focus on staying calm and take the time you need to respond in a thoughtful and respectful manner. I realize saying something like that can be scary to certain people, and may not even work with certain people. Love can be tough, but not end. So instead of demanding that they do something, ask them why they are upset and listen to their answer. He'll lie often and refuse to listen to anyone at all because he believes that he knows best. Its a reaction of pure survival: You could have killed me, so now Im going to teach you a lesson because I am in fight or flight mode.. When someone is being irrational, or even just really excited or agitated about something, its hard for others to communicate with that person because most people around them arent in the same space. Its their job to love unconditionally if they promised that level of love (rare is the person willing to admit less publicly thats embarrassing, or should be), but some people just easily give in to the temptations that other people put in front of them like a stumbling block. You arent judging what theyre saying, youre just along for the ride. People need to feel their family relationships are safe, that they are wanted. Please review. The challenge youre having is that it takes a lot of energy to do this. I would love to start over. Anything close to that sentiment. Avoiding talking, until they are calm, makes one madder, and honestly, I need to use this technique on myself. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Before I started coaching and writing I had a career in computers and technology. It may be just what he needs to hear because nothing else works. You handled it!, I never saw her again after that but Id like to think that in the future if shes ever in that kind of situation again, she will believe that she can get through it just like she did before.. . They have crossed the line, and will not stop until they get away. But considering that may not work (because they may not express whats really on their mind, which is often why they get triggered), you might be looking at potential emotional abuse. But being so affected by what other people think of you is never healthy. My thoughts immediately go to: What does it mean to me that no one has stood up for me? If I dont know enough about it, I cant teach it. It is a structured way of observing and describing a patient's psychological functioning at a given point in time, under the domains of appearance, attitude, behavior, mood and affect, speech, thought process, thought content, perception, cognition, Romance 01/19/21: The Knight and the Assassin Ch. Thank you so much for reading my plight. Say NO, Absolutely NOT EVER so he gets the message. And by explain, i dont mean defend or justify, but rather just provide insight and reason. Acts this way towards our kids, too. A voucher for an anger management course? Preparing yourself for that challenging conversation with a person who pushes all your buttons, and is irrational, can be one of the most daunting things youll ever do. October 28, 2019, 8:30 am. Its NO. You could even go further and say, If you respect me and care about me, then youll allow me to have my own reasons for saying no. Pacing is showing them that you are with them every step of the way. Thanks for the sensible advice. And does he do what it takes to make that happen for you? Her side is barren. Rational choice theory has proposed that there are two outcomes of two choices regarding human action. Seriously, dont listen to what they say because youll get sucked into the crazy. It's Difficult For These 4 Stubborn Zodiac Signs To Empathize With Someone Else, Your Relationship Will NEVER Work Without, The Zodiac Signs Who Won't Speak Up Vs. I told her she was mad/bonkers/insane. Life saving. They paint every situation as their next chance to hear a yes. I wish you the best in your situation! child, sibling etc but they are consistently irrational in their appraisal of situations and abusive towards you due to their distorted emotional over reactions to everything, you are in danger of colluding with this abusive behaviour by not naming it. You could say something like, I realize we dont get along sometimes so I wanted to get this for you.. Im Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. Irrational behavior is nearly impossible to deal with when it comes down to it. The Ones Who Stuff Their Feelings, The 3 Zodiac Signs With Rough Horoscopes On December 11, 2022, The Love Horoscope For Each Zodiac Sign On Sunday, December 11, 2022, The 3 Zodiac Signs With The Best Horoscopes On Sunday, December 11, 2022, The Zodiac Signs Who Confront Their Problems And The Ones Who Run Away From Them, 17 Heart-Wrenching Quotes That PROVE Love Is WORTH Fighting For, Why Everybody Crushes On You Based On Your Zodiac Sign, The Secret Thing You're Good At According To Your Zodiac Sign, These 4 Zodiac Signs Are Most Likely To CHEAT. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just to be silent. If someone is angry at someone else, acknowledge that they are angry at them. Why you do something is the motivation for the logic, otherwise, youd have no reason for the logic. When you meet someone who makes it a priority to understand you, how you feel, and what your beliefs are, you connect with that person. Also at the dinner I introduced him the chef I met at the bar and he picked up his fork and motioned it to the chef like a knife and made a comment about he knows what to do with it. How can someone feel cared about if the breakup factor is possible? Then when she knew I understood her, I then helped her get back into a calmer state. This is off the wall. Sometimes we can be so desperate to gain acceptance from others that we get upset when someone doesnt give it to us. Implying the police had made up the false alibi or of course she was in total denial and lying herself. I did not complain about the incident. The best way to diffuse irrational thinking and behavior is to listen as they vent. This happens unfortunately. Hence, you need to develop the skills or ability to effectively cope, manage, and deal with them. Let a Crisis Happen . If you know someone that fears you may leave the relationship, and has a I cant live without you attitude, youre in for a tough road if you have any heart or compassion at all. By getting to know them, youll also be able to set your boundaries more easily. After 18 months I did lose my cool one day and react. They have no idea how to communicate so they say and do things that are just crazy. ( oh have I mentioned she has an awful voice?) If she is seriously delusional, you need to start recording everything and doing whatever you can to keep your rights. They attribute disasters, failures, and problems to their actions or words when they did not have any hand in them. Its not about emotions, Gods way, but about giving without limit. Your initial thoughts might be something like This sounds crazy. Im throwing darts in the dark only guessing but a snapping point makes me think that something was on her mind for years and anything small could have pushed her over the edge. If you never disagree with someone that you want to have a relationship with e.g. Everything you said about me is extremely accurate. When Gemini is being irrational, he acts very childishly. Thank you, thank you. No matter what I do, its still there., You say, Okay. Things were looking great., How To Keep The Peace In A High Conflict Divorce -NextGenJustice, http://www.fotuva.org/feynman/what_is_science.html, http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/the-family-curse-do-you-become-who-you-are-around-family-or-who-you-used-to-be/, https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/the-toxic-episode-the-toxic-relationship-validating-toxic-friends-enabling-toxic-behavior/, https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/snapping-point/, People acting irrationally will not usually listen to reason, They want to fulfill a need right away so they behave irrationally until that need is fulfilled, They no longer feel they have to tackle this problem by themselves, They get to release some emotions. Then, actually *take* those steps! When you offer to help them solve the problem (and sound genuine about it), it may squash the energy they are creating. But now looking back this must have been when she set to war against me. In reality, it was just my stepfather being irrational because of too much alcohol. Do you want to know how to deal with irrational people? They begin to respond based on fear, activating their fight-or-flight stress response. If they are already irrational, then its time to get a little irrational yourself. Keeping a sense of humour helps! This is all my opinion and not medical advice. But if it is part of your reality then you need to manage it as best you can. Thats a big challenge. Everything you said is right on the money! Whether its a relative, a co-worker, or even a friend. Kim and a little dog named Ticketyboo de Qa xxx. Sign me up for Brave New Worlds soma. 2. Remember, we want to respond a certain way only after theyve become irrational so that we can keep a line of communication open with the person. Now I have some tools, thanks to you. Well, our supervisor yelled at him, really putting him down. OR, theyll reply, Theres nothing ANYONE can do. To leave. Sure, he wants to not be acting irrationally at all, but that means nothing when he can barely make a decision about what he should do next. Symptoms may include disturbing thoughts, feelings, or dreams related to the events, mental or physical distress to trauma She turned everything around and blamed me by making false counter allegations. Weve all seen someone overreact. By the end of the conversation, he wasnt as agitated anymore. Fortunately, he didnt shoot her, but just the fact that he grabbed it was enough to send a message that this person has the ability to be a completely different person if he feels angry enough. If our loved ones dont share whats going on inside them, and they hold it in for months or years, theyll reach the point of no return. Astonishing! For other signs, it's how overwhelming life can be and the fact that there are some emotions they just can't handle as well as they wish they could; or that they've been managing the same emotions for a long time and it's suddenly too much for them. A proper reply toi him would have to meet that need. One will burn out while the other tries to get more love and attention from them. Even if someone said, Youre an idiot! and you said, Youre right, I am an idiot! But a few words into the conversation, the person starts seething silently or tossing grenades like these: Dealing with an irrational Virgo is going to be hard at first, but once he realizes there is a solution out there for him, he'll start acting like himself again. That may be difficult or impossible depending on the topic, but if you want to have any sort of relationship with a person like this, you may have to work with his inability to communicate well under pressure. Stop getting into conversations about the reasons. If you want to have a conversation with him, it has to be in a way that doesnt get him upset. Sometimes its a matter of making the choice that leads to the best outcome for all. He wrote that if he were to assert, without offering proof, that Meaning, there is a point of no return. The police told me its hardly the crime of the century so when I heard nothing more I assumed they had not taken it seriously. Someone merges in front of someone else, and the person they cut off gets out of the car and wants to fight. Just like the story I told of that lady who wanted to get off the plane. Let him know that this is his own problem and he's smart enough to handle it alone. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people are saying about you. 5. Im not kidding. If I cant relate to it, I cant tell it. When someone is being irrational, they dont listen to reason, logic, or even common sense. Despite the differences between peoples views when there is an issue, there are also common values. You should expect many setbacks along the way, especially if the other person still doesnt recognize that their behavior is inappropriate. No one likes being told to what to do, especially when theyre in a bad mood. The emotionally connected person is only convinced by the actions you take, not the words you formulate. This is what I mean by over-the-top and beyond the point of no return. Oh, psychopaths like to focus on a victim. The police said her children would have yo go into care if they arrested her ( they eventually came at 11pm) and in an act of kindness I agreed not to press charges. I dont think you have to apologize any more than you have. Why cant we just talk? Or something like that. Gathering information by asking questions serves a dual purpose. Thanks again pwned11. When we begin to internalize what is being said, is when things get blown out of proportion. What does irrationality mean? Its not about you, its about them trying to convey a message in the only way they know how. . Its brilliant. Youre so needy and you smother me and I cant stand to be around you then you might add to their already low self-esteem and low self-worth. 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