I dare you the next time you get surgery or any serious medical procedure to turn to your doctor and say, with all sincerity, "Thank you so much. Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., has 45 years of clinical experience. So, are you ready to give up some of your niceness? I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. OK, so if I call myself short, which I am, means I am not? We focus on anything that's good for you, good for others, and good for our planet. A values-driven life comes out of your values; your core beliefs as an adult about how to be with others. Or being permanently agreeable. Unless youre on some major and highly effective medications, probably not. But the problem with that approach which is nevertheless needed around people, sometimes they think they are above you just because you ain't hostile which is a big no no with me. Tactile Home Art for mini mental breaks & expressive play. I think the reason I hate (I know hate is a strong word) it so much is that I've been called it so many times on Instagram posts and in life that it's started to get on my nerves. Business, Economics, and Finance. For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. Why would someone not be liked even if they are "nice"? It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. They are the ones who have fiercely fought their demonsthe demons about themselves that most people are afraid to face. Daily. I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. Dirty guys attract dirty girls, and is that really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Its seeing the good in ourselves. and they love me because of that. Your investment will help Elephant Journal invest in our editors and writers who promote your values to create the change you want to see in your world! Psychology Today 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 16 Signs You Were Raised by a Highly Critical Parent, The Simple Technique That Relieved My Anxiety and Depression, Gaslighting Behavior Is a Sign of Weakness. Nunzia Stark is a Park University Alumni and a former elementary educator. Because guys that are considered "nice" are more likely to get "friend-zoned" than dated. Here are some common reasons below. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Because I am nice I don't really have an opinion; I just go with the flow. If you decide that you are, in fact, tired of being nice all the time, or tired of absorbing any or all of these consequences, its time to stop going on autopilot and begin to make choices and change some of your behaviors. And I hate the way this word has become adopted by so many, who try to use it in a so-called positive way. But along with this, you can say no, take care of yourself as well as others, be assertive and honest without being aggressive and hurtful. We're community-driven. However, I did find that during that time I smiledbigger and harder than I ever had in my entire life, because I was fighting for my happiness day in and day out. They are named for the fact that they tend to cringily relate to the "nice guys finish last" type of misogynistic BS. One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. That is so wrong. Here, you dont say no; you dont speak up and be honest and assertive because of your own fear. What goes a long way to being nice is that you're more likely to blame yourself than anyone else: Its your fault, you should have known better, you did something that caused the other person to act the way they did, though you really have no idea what that may be. Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Being called sweet girl is annoying to me, am I taking being called by full name is never a good sign. And along with this. She is a free, Roopa Swaminathan. Yup. 6. I feel like I was just born racist and prejudiced and bigoted because of my skin color. Being nice to people you meet (in a friend or dating way) is just the bare minimum. I felt liberated. I hate being called "nice". My whole family called me by my nic n. Hey, thanks so much for reading! And every night, before he goes to bed, he lays on my chest and stares into my eyes until I give him a treat. Its sowing what you reap. Heres what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not. ~ Khara-Jade Warren, Eleditor. If youre an always-nice superstar, you likely dont even realize how you feel a lot of the time. Whats not to like? Others, especially those closest to you, may see you as subtly controlling or passive-aggressive at times because you are. Be who you are, and just. We are humans and so no one quality can completely define us. Let me be political and say for one sec that when people refer to women as strong, it's a silly romanticized thing: women are strong because we are homemakers, sole child raisers, workers in the labour market, victims of all sorts of sexual/domestic abuse, etc. Its seeing the good in others. Jane probably wouldnt want to swap out my entire weekend shift, you say to yourself, so instead of asking if she can work the entire weekend for you, you ask her if she can do Saturday. Yes I agree assertiveness is the key word here. Close relationships can lack depth. TikTok video from Crazy (@_maya_922): "I hate him he was so nice and out of the blue he dumped me". I used to hate being called 'nice'. You have this critical, scolding drill-sergeant/parent voice coming at you all the time, looking over your shoulder, wagging its finger. As a child my father always called me by a nic name and the only time I was called by my given name was when I was in trouble. Yet somehow in 2017, everyone knows you can't be openly racist but calling people an Oreo is okay. The byproduct of these emotional crunches are often depression, anxiety, and addiction. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The #1 Indicator that Your Relationship Will Last. 17/08/2020 17:42 I'm beginning to really hate being called "nice" and "lovely". As a woman whose beauty was defined by the length and texture of her hair, without knowing it, I was redefining my "pretty." I remember the reactions of my. Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from exhaustion. I'm cancer free!!! You happen to be one of the many reasons black girls and boys grow up and think being black has some kind of negative connotation. The same is true about negotiating with your partner: Stop the pre-compromise and figure out what you truly want. When you do this pre-compromising all the time in close relationships, you wind up never really getting what you want (though you fantasize that the other person will read your mind and offer it anyway), and instead only get watered-down versions that are okay. Over time, what you're left with is a watered-down life. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. It's time to not just apologize or recover, but again speak up. By creating an account you agree to Elephant's Terms and Privacy Policy. They are the ones who have really done the work-who are genuinely appreciative. heart articles you love. 2. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. If you do all the heavy lifting all of the time, you are prone to periodic collapse. To the people who have said remarks like this, you might not think you're being racist but you are. . And clearly you appreciate mindfulness with a sense of humor and integrity! That poor 100-year-old woman who regretted eating too many beans and not enough ice cream. If youre asked to be on a church committee, for example, and don't want to, say no. For more information, please see our Holding Back From Expressing Your Desires. How Important Is Agreement in Long-Term Relationships? But men have decided to throw around this word to shame girls for feeling a certain way, and these are some reasons I hate being called crazy. @Ahmad_Metallic said: "no crazy sex and wild partying, im a nice guy and my life is dull". I thought it had implications of people thinking I could be walked over. Being mad vs. being "crazy." People make other people mad. Sign up (or log in) below Rather than clearly stating what you want at the start of a discussion with someone, you instead anticipate or assume what the other person would like, and then downshift your own demands before the conversation starts. Don't change! Is not fair. The resentment comes, because your niceness also comes with expectations that others will appreciate your martyrish efforts or will follow your lead and be like you, always putting others first, stepping up, etc. 11 years ago. Its a miserable way to live. Ive heard it in the workplace, Ive heard it in relationships, Ive heard it in friendships. You will feel guilty, you will feel anxious that the world will despise you and that terrible things will happen. Check out these stunning Wonderscapes >>. Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. "You are too nice" have come many assumptions. Push back against the critical voices. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Explore; Reddit Search; Reports. If you want more, grab a subscription for unlimited reads for $10/year (normally, it's 48/year, and the discount ends soon). I know this to be true, for where I am and who I am. I think my niceness is a choiceI make not just for myself, but for my relationships and for those I encounter on a day to day basis. For example: one person's "nice . I hate of thee the nice fare; Rather than quickly raising your hand at the staff meeting when they call for volunteers, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself whether you really want to do this. What Brings Couples to a Crisis Point? 10 Eckhart Tolle Quotes that will Make You Feel like You can Breathe. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). They are the ones who have had to talk themselves out of bed in the morning and off the floor at night. To be kind is to have perspective. Not much, you say. Hey Nice Guys! Embrace it. Elephants #1 Gift Idea: An Immersive Adult Sandbox! This is little-kid stuff that flares up when you start to break your old patterns. And I . Also being nice is an great compliment when you barely know someone. Continue browsing in r/raisedbynarcissists. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. Take a few deep breaths, pat yourself on the back, and keep moving forward. I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. Its less about a value of how to treat people and more a psychological flack-suit to protect you from what seems to be a scary world. Turning thekindness I extend to everyone around me and showing it to myself. Press J to jump to the feed. Slow down to realize how you really feel. For some people, the community Reddit's raisedbyNarcissist's subreddit provides is life-changing. Love & Sex Make It Stop: "I Hate Being Described As 'Cute'" by Wendy Stokes August 8, 2018 I'm 30 years old and people -including those who are much younger - are calling me "cute" (as in like a puppy, not hey-baby-you're-cute). 17/08/2020 18:39. It used annoy me, but now I shrug it off. This choice I make is character-stretching. Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! 20 Buddhist Concepts from the Dalai Lama to Help us Enter the New Year Gracefully. You learned to take a "nice" stance as a way of avoiding conflict and confrontation that you cant tolerate, a stance that is Im happy if youre happy, meaning, "I do whatever I need to do to not get you disgruntled because you being upset makes me anxious." I am not NICE, but just speak to you normally without superiority nor inferiority. Even though it may be better than being called old and haggard, it still annoys the bejeezus out of me. A place to get personal things off your chest. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. A build-up of resentment can often fuel the acting out, but sometimes its just a slow and ever-present simmer that you internalize along with everything else. Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. I know My husband spit in my plate after I refused to share it my girlfriend broke up with me because i watch cartoons My sister slapped me because her husband complimented my My girlfriend was acting like a smartass, so I made her My husband slapped me for texting while driving. Always trying to get his own way. Revolution Needed 2. My little one is in nursery and out of the blue the new worker said "oh manager was saying Alison is such a lovely and nice person and you are so lovely". He also comes to me whenever he is scared or sick or in pain so I can hold him until he feels s Continue Reading 10.1K 64 224 Steve Tamulewicz Im proud of the choices I have made to get to where I am. No advocating violence or revenge, even in jest 6. WHEN it comes to gifts, what matters is that it's from the heart. Clothes, hairstyle etc. Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Ratingwhich helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant. We're protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 'Nice' doesn't mean shy, boring, or softly-spoken. It was quite crowded so the wait was a bit but man the size of the burger was worth it! It may be exhaustion, or it may be getting sick or sinking into the depths of severe depression. This choice I make is difficult. Thank you all. Why Toxic Positivity Isnt Positivity at All. May this sites daily new articles inspire & expand your mind& heart in the midst of this busy-busy world of ours. For many, it's considered the "kiss of death." So even a guy that is nice might not want to admit to that fact. There's almost always a good reason for women to act the way they do towards men. GameStop Moderna Pfizer Johnson & Johnson AstraZeneca Walgreens Best Buy Novavax SpaceX Tesla. until you do. This choice I make is humbling. Not raising your hand is saying no, but you want to practice doing this more actively this is about setting boundaries. They want to change the world. We are a mix of many. Jodee Prouse is a sister, wife, mom, friend, neighbor, and soon-to-be gramma. Is not fair that all my friends hate me. Its not letting our anger own us. He is the author of 11 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally. Life is win-win as much as possible. #26 Edited By deactivated-57beb9d651361. Doing nice things for her and then getting frustrated when . How do you want me to believe I'm "nice" when apparently no one wants me ! She is the, Nicole Baptista is a language teacher and freelance writer from London. Its humility. Our trusty pelvic floor is known to be the energetic center of pleasure, sexuality, and joy. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. I write real and fictitious stories about life, issues, love, loss, g, Damini Grover is an eternal explorer, foodie, dance lover, dog lover (and in love with m. Youve met them, Ive met them, or you may be one of them: nice people. 5 Common Causes, How to Work Around a Procrastination Habit. Let the too nice be a reminder that your path is different than theirs. On behalf of the many people who are nice and kind: all of these assumptions are wrong. And you're not! 3 Real Reasons You arent Getting the Girl. And you know what the hardest part of this choice is? Then you can Heart an article, boosting its "Ecosystem" score & helping your favorite author to get paid. Better yet, be proactive and let others know where you stand before they come to you. Play for free. Thank God you cleared that up for us. I used to think it was a compliment but now it just grates on me. Avoiding the perils of niceness requires feeling one's genuine needs and wants, as well as actively setting boundaries. Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! Until the pressure builds up, and the right triggers set you off. There are bigger and much more tragic things I have endured while still remaining positive). If your dog eats dry food you'll want to see this. Use your symptoms as tools to let you know when youre overextended. The burnout may sideline you for a while, but once you recover, you're quickly back on duty. I was immediately veto-ed because I was too nice. What is with that!? Remember: Theres a whole lot hiding behind nice. I know how u feel but atleast give them credit for complimenting u . But not something that should be normal. Implications of not looking after myself. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I know she meant it as a compliment and I know she was trying to be nice, but it felt as if I had been slapped in the face, and all the work I've put into myself completely destroyed. I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >> You are kind and considerate and see that we are all struggling on this tiny dot of speck in the vast universe; you treat others the way youd like to be treated. I was never allowed to hate my situation or hate how people treated me because that made me ungrateful. Posted July 21, 2018 Especially when you hear people saying how women want a good guy. So being complimented about that make me feel the same as hearing "you have a nose". When you feel anger, irritation, or resentment, use it as information telling you what you need, what you dont like, and what you may want. Learn more. WOOOOOOOO!!! Because I am nice I dont really have an opinion; I just gowith the flow. Join & get 2 free reads. 5. Between the pre-compromise and internalization, you never say what you truly want and feel, you're not being really honest and emotionally intimate. You are too nice have come many assumptions. If she doesn't like you and you aren't a couple, have some self-respect and move on. They want to do better and they want to be better. Do you? | "Elephant Journal" & "Walk the Talk Show" are registered trademarks of Waylon H. Lewis, Enterprises. I must be fucking crazy because every time I get called smart or nice I consider it an insult and I'm tired of it. Two days ago a girl told me that the reason girls don't go for me is because they're intimidated by my uniqueness and niceness, and that it was a good thing. And if depression, anxiety, and addiction arent strong enough to keep those non-polite feelings at bay, you are likely at risk of acting out, through the one-night stand on a business trip, going on a binge, going into a hurricane-like rage at your kid, your dog, or your gentle, but always-absent-minded coworker. How to make yours fierce and toned >>, By confirming, you agree to our Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. And if both partners are nice, the effects are multiplied, resulting in a no-conflict but superficial relationship. Welcome to elephant's ecosystem. What always-nice people tend to do is internalize hold in negative emotions that naturally rise up in the course of everyday life. But not something that should be normal. I big-chopped it. I hate being a nice guy. Now they think all men who call themselves are actually douchebags and the actual douchebags who know the game and do not call themselves nice are getting all the girls. Copyright 2022 Waylon H. Lewis Enterprises. An Accurate Moralometer Would Be Useful, but Also Horrible? I hate being called "nice". My ten year old son cant stand affection between his My husband wanted to sleep with other people, now hes Gf being under anesthesia made me realize how lucky I am. What if the whole nice thing was re-framed for a moment: (Please bear with me as I will interchangeably use nice and kind). I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >>. Its about seeing and knowing exactly what is going on and how things unfold, butchoosing to take a different path. How could it be a good thing if you're telling me being nice is a girl repellent. Believe it or not, there was a time when being called "a nice person" was an insult. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. To be kind sometimes leaps beyond choice. But theres a difference between a values-driven life and an anxiety-driven one. Think of all the gender norms we're trying to kill or bury alive. Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. I have noticed this trend of people proudly identifying themselves as NERDS, and I don't really get it. because I'm loved by others. Dont just sweep the binge or the burnout or the passive-aggressiveness under the rug, but instead use them as red flags that you are being over-responsible, that you are neglecting your own needs. or expecting them to realize what you need and give it to you, even though you never say what those needs are. and our Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. I mean there are tons of others who don't complimented and are ignored. She is pursuing her pas, Amy Nelson is a 500-hour trained yoga instructor, and has taught countless classes and countless hours of, Cline Levy is a Feminine Empowerment and Sexuality Coach, and facilitates womens workshops internati. That's right, I hate being called a nerd. 7. And along with this Is not fair that I lose them . Its love. But if youre always the nice guy, if its your 24/7 public persona, there are often psychological dangers lurking below that friendly surface, a downside that can take its toll. Create a Free Account & Get 2 Free Reads. You do it not because you should or because you will feel guilty otherwise, but because its your life blueprint. It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. I think people assume that because I am nice I don't know how to put my foot down or be assertive. It's normal, not exceptional in any way. It's the bare minimum to be nice, and reality reminds me every day even this compliment isn't true. Is not fair that I'm nice to my friends. I am nice, so I won't mind. This causes me to think that maybe the people who always have a smile on their face are the ones whose hearts have been broken wide open. I'm an adult! I am nice, so I wont mind. But as I've . Sponsored by Ultimate Dog Food Guide Is your dog eating any of this food? "Nice" was originally Old French for "silly" or "foolish." Here's Chaucer using "nice" in Troilus and Criseyde: Quod Pandarus, "Thou hast a full great care Lest that the churl may fall out of the moon Why, Lord! While working at a restaurant a few years ago, the staff had gotten together to talk about some negative things that needed to be brought to the owners attention. All rights reserved. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the compliment and the sentiment behind it, it's so kind of people to call me something nice, but it's just not my fave word anymore! Ferguson hit me really hard, and I wish I could do something, but since I'm white, I feel like people will think I'm just trying to get attention, like, "Oh, look at me! What makes a person "nice" is completely subjective. When you heart, comment or share, the article's "Ecosystem" score goes uphelping it to be seen by more readers & helping the author to get paid. Damn it, I never been a relationship ! We all know, that we would like. But there's also no denying that, as women, we sometimes get tired of the same Christmas gifts - you know which o "pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance". People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. Cancer can suck my nut!!! If it's too difficult to say no in person, call and leave a voicemail, or send a text. My husband got a vegan burger (being on a normal a meat eater) and loved it! I just want people to stop telling me this. I got a regular hate burger, ate half and was full! It was delicious! Your free account lets you heart articles, follow authors, comment, Boost, and support Elephant's writers. You can still have an interesting life and be a nice guy. Glen Fieldingis a retired public-school educator and researcher. The fact that Im smiling at the person that is smushing their Chinese takeout in my face on the Streetcar, while their dog is scratching my leg is exampleenough of how kindness is a strength (a micro example, may I say. I'M not racist!". Answer (1 of 7): I used to hate anyone calling me by my name, especially in romantic relationships and it stemmed from my childhood. I dont think I do this often enough. I think the biggest mistake people make is to associate kindness with weakness. I hate that! 1.5K views, 221 likes, 110 loves, 4 comments, 21 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Boss Tim V2: Boruto 202 They are the ones who are brave and introspectivethe ones who are driven to change. Here are the most common ones: Youre that good, that laid-back all the time, really? Its letting go of grudges. A year and a half ago, I moved through something so inextricably painful I cant even put it into words. Just get it done. Thank you for the book tip I will order it. It makes you feel like you aren't being taken seriously. Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. Honesty is essentially what setting boundaries is all about, but honesty is also the driver of intimacy. Delivery & Pickup Options - 292 reviews of Hate Burger "Its called the Hate Burger but the employees were very nice! I'm a nice white person! Then they think I am not tough. . Complimenting someone's look is great if you compliment something they had control over. This does not mean that reacting to being mad is being crazy. I would rather compliment someones character over their look. I think people assume that because I am nice I dont know how to put my foot down or be assertive. And different paths are okay. Your persona cracks a bit, and you put on subtle pressure or guilt to get your way, or you go along with something but then act in a passive-aggressive manner because your unhappiness leaks out. Why not join the Elephant community, become an Elephriend? It takes 7 seconds to join. Its forgiveness. Theyre sensitive to the feelings of others, easy to be around, and rarely if ever argue. Of course not. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. You're just the cutest, you know that?" 8. The anxiety-driven life, on the other hand, makes being nice a way of managing anxiety. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Crypto It's what you say to actual children. For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. Being called a s!ut | Being bullied | Being abused | .. original sound. If you cant tell at the time, wait, and continue to ask yourself how you truly feel; something will eventually emerge. to get two free reads: One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. I just hate myself so much. Answer (1 of 67): Okay, so morally speaking, everyone wants to be nice (good) or be treated nicely (well)! I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. It seems to come out of nowhere, you feel terribly guilty, you apologize profusely, you promise never to do that ever again . Your critical voices will go crazy as you begin any of the above. That's why I hate hearing this shitty compliment. She loves writin, Galina Singerhas traversed several cultures and conflicting philosophies in search for, Michelle Schafer is a woman and mother of two incredible humans. Then again speak up. | Move out of that superficial talk and experiment with deeper conversations tell those close to you how you really feel rather than fine. If your partner is doing the same, get the problem of verbal intimacy and honesty on the table as something you both want to work on. Cookie Notice Sometimes its a choice I make every five seconds (If youve ever taken the Streetcar down Queen at 5 p.m. in Toronto youll understand what I mean). I was fiercely trying to practice gratitude amidsta wealth of hurt. I hate being a nice guy. Edit: Ah the comments are deleted, I hope nobody gave them hate. r/niceguys is a term that has long been used to describe men like this - they are common enough that we have developed a term for them. Under such steady verbal abuse, you vow to try harder, not screw up and be even nicer, but whatever you do is never good enough; fault, mistakes, and incriminations are around every corner. Heres how to get started: 1. Reviewed by Matt Huston. Kindness isnt about ignorance. Maybe the people who are the nicest, most positive and uplifting are the ones who have gone through the most upheaval. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . Like the yin and yang, we have both goodness & badness residing within us. We're dedicated to sharing "the mindful life" beyond the core or choir, to all those who don't yet know they give a care. Hate being called nice. Being a follower shouldnt be automatically considered an My girlfriend refused to let her terminally ex see his My husband started acting strangely upon my sister's My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. Nothing wrong with admitting how you actually are as a person, nice included, but they misunderstand the term nice guy. It's just remind me that I'm a lonely loser. Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. They know how to offer genuine wordsof encouragement because they have had to become their own biggest cheerleaders. Not in my opinion. They are the ones who are the opposite of complacent. That cartoon of the headstone that says, Ate all that kale for nothing. The watered-down life, the not being truly known, the millions of missed opportunities to do and get what you want instead of what others wanted can leave you with serious life regrets. Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from. Privacy Policy. 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