How dare he be subjected to such treatment at his high school . "My saddest moment as a . Who says the popular scene is all it's cracked up to be, anyway? I feel badly about him being left out. I wish you the very best of luck. To get you through these rough waters, here are 7 ways to help your lonely teenager make friends. This is hard for your teen, but it's also hard on you! Dear ADDitude: My Child Doesn't Have Any Friends "My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesn't play with anyone at recess and doesn't like to work in groups. How can I help my son become more social? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I have two incredible children and a loving husband all who are healthy. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. He's a nice kid, a good kid. I need some advice please. My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. Six Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends. He has no friends to come visit him or to hang out with. He is a quiet boy and quite socially awkward but not to an extreme extent. 26. I ask because my son has asd but around me is fine. Be kind to yourself and your . All we can do is try to help our kids through things as best we can but getting to the bottom of it sometimes is like real detective work. I visit friends outside the home, like going to dinner with friends, but my son may be reluctant to bring anyone home. 05/02/2020 01:28. Tell him that shy people have difficulty initiating conversations and to find kids in the class who seem a little alone and strick up a chat . My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. My 14 year old son has just spent another school holiday without any friends. Ask The Friendship Doctor. He is very shy and spends all his time in his room. What sort of music , movies , video games you like ? Not sure if I was popular or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I appreciate any feedback. It would be difficult knowing your son has no close friends, and the experience with the psychologist sounds awful. In his early elementary years (Kindergarten-2nd grade) teachers would call his mother and I and tell us that he's very quiet and doesn't talk. I mean he isn't Channing Tatum, but he is a handsome young boy. Fourteen-year-old Tom spends all his free time alone, on his computer. Hes too old for me to arrange a social life for him. When he is with me he is great, I do not know what he is doing that is off putting to others. QUESTION. He doesn't have a best friend; he is never invited over to other kids' houses or for overnights. When do they act ? Also bear in mind that some teens, by virtue of personality, tend to be more comfortable being alone than with others. It must be so hard for you to watch this happen for him. Ir is also possible that he is avoidant and just won't let his symptoms/anxiety show. Anything that he enjoys doing . The parents of those other kids are probably saying the same thing about your child.". He's going to high school this upcoming year and I am really afraid he'll be kicked out. He had a lot of friends growing up. Information is power. My problem is he has no friends or social life. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. (Maybe 20 lbs overweight). The doors closes. I don't want him becoming a hermit or a recluse. Close. If your son is not showing signs of depression or anxiety and seems very content, it is possible that he is schizoid and not avoidant. We are not a counselling or crisis service and we can't guarantee you'll get a reply, so if you need to talk now, The current time is Mon, 1:37 AM(Australian Eastern time). The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. Be clear and specific . Are there any signs of him not doing well in school or actively avoiding being with people his age? Also contacting an organisation such as Headspace might be good - they have support groups and counselling for young people. Also, he's an only child, and I wonder if that could be a factor in why he doesn't enjoy hanging out in groups. His class teachers etc. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. When teens have solid, healthy relationships in their lives that they can count on unconditionally, it becomes much easier to endure the roller coaster of adolescent friendships. Hello, I received a text from my teen's friend 's mother saying my 14 years old son has been sending texts to her son using really bad language. It's needs to be treated with the same importance and urgency as any other kind of abuse - because that's what this is . Also, we are not members of a church or synagogue, which are big social drivers in our town but I know other parents aren't either so I can't tie it just to that He is playing football at school so I am hoping he'll have more opportunities meeting new friends. At age 26 he worked sporadic jobs with no continuity, socialized occasionally with one friend, and spent most of his awake time playing computer games. The first thing I would do is raise this with the school. When I hear that, I always say: "Maybe that's so, but the reason he hangs out with that group is that he's similar to them. He also has a ADHD coupled with a learning disability, so school is a constant struggle for good grades. I feel we havent provided him with enough resources and support and I dont know where to turn. "The family home is where we get our bearings to the outside world, and we often follow the examples of our parents and siblings. As we can only assume the reasons, to get a clear point I think you should talk to your child and find out what's causing the issues with the potential friendships. I don't know what else to do. Just continue to support and encourage him without pressuring him unnecessarily. Don't immediately assume your son has weak social skills. Go chat with the teachers, school counsellors etc and voice your concerns. I don't know how large your school system is but students are typically thrown into a much larger pool of kids than they were used to in elementary school---at a time when many are feeling self-conscious and awkward. It kills me because he says he tries to talk to people and they answer him but they never initiate a conversation with him. Contents: Reasons why a child may not have friends Your child may feel preoccupied Your child may feel neglected Your child may feel confused Your child may feel disrespected Your child may feel restricted Ways to help your child make friends Toddlers (2-3 years) Preschoolers (3-5 years) Middle Childhood (6-8 years) Middle Childhood (9-11 years) It seems there are so many kids who say stuff to him that no matter what classes he switches into there is someone making remarks to picking on him. What can I do to help him? 2) Ask others: Those who are close to your child or who interact with them . I am so sad to hear what is happening to your boy at school . Siblings can be brought into the mission to help, comfort, and share valuable information. Privacy Policy. What can I do to help him? Aside from that, he seems to do much better in one-to-one situations compared to being in a group. Or may be you can talk with someone who interacts with your son regularly(teachers, sibling, neighbours) as they may have some insight to the problem. My son told me last night he's upset because he feels he has no friends. @motherbearhas some great suggestions there! Many 14-year-olds develop an interest in forming romantic relationships. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. The old saying is . Why Your 15-Year-Old Son Has No Friends In most cases, teens just haven't found their group yet, their click. They may have crushes or they may consider themselves in a relationship. He had a friend who lived close who he used to hang out with regularly, but the kid and his family moved away about 3 years ago. I feel helpless. "If a child has at least one friend, there is a frame of reference and a forum in which to practice friendship." Parents may start to notice that their child is starting to develop a. On Dec. 6, a group of James' friends in his eighth-grade class chipped in their own money to surprise him on his birthday at school and he's worn it every day since. My son is 13 and exactly the same. Cookie Notice Reading clubs, computer clubs etc. If they behave aggressively out of the blue and disagreement, this depicts that they can have some social issues going on with his friends. This year he doesn't seem to hang with them. He barely goes outside. My 17 yo daughter has experienced periods of loneliness, gone through different groups of friends and at times feels like she doesn't fit into any group at school it is really heartbreaking. He likes to be alone and think, and he doesn't need to be invited to every party, go to every dance, or see every game with his friends. 3. He may lack social skills or a have a personality that puts off others his own age. And don't be hard on yourself - you sound very caring! The karate didn't help as everyone was either much younger or much older. It's heartbreaking. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Knowledge is power and knowing will be the first step towards your child's future ability to make friends. He's absolutely hilarious, has the most adorable dimples, and despite treading water in the turbulent tween waters, he's actually a really great kid. Relationships between two people take work, especially when both people are young and finding their way in the world. Hi@NywvmomTo2. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. He can be quite negative, though, and I can see why this might be off-putting, and might cause him to squander opportunities to make friends. I'm worried about my son. They will appreciate his efforts and quiet , reserved people can turn into the most loyal and steady friends across time . Have you sought out any support for yourself? This year he doesn't seem to hang with them. The kids he calls "friends" asked him to join the 7th grade football team but outside of seeing kids at school, there is no other social interaction. Unfortunately, it's easy for me as a middle-aged man to choose whom I associate with and to embrace my nerdism. The truth is, my son doesn't give a damn. It's not about you. Auto-suggest helps you quickly narrow down your search results by suggesting possible matches as you type. Here are three steps to help your child find a friend or two. What did you think ? My son told me last night he's upset because he feels he has no friends. He's been like this pretty much his whole life. Found the internet! He is very focused on winning and trying to be the best, while other kids are just wanting to have fun, and aren't overly concerned about the rules of that particular sport or game. But, my son has no friends and it's breaking my heart. He is very clean and wears nice clothes and is a fairly decent student. Your childs self esteem is important at this age. He's a bright kid who doesn't get into trouble at school or home. He's also painfully lonely. As for your son, maybe joining a new club, sport or interest group would make for a good opportunity to meet new people. Painful teen friendship: What's a mom to do. The Most Common Reasons Kids Have Trouble Making Friends Here are some ways you can help your children overcome challenges to develop and maintain friendships. He always seems to be "the whipping boy.". Good manners are always appreciated so support your son or daughter in learning what is expected in the outside world. He has taught himself more than a dozen programming languages and got a big scholarship to college and couldn't be more excited to find kids like himself. We tried a psychologist who was recommended but she was awful and he couldnt get past the first appointment (she was confrontational and told him he was rude). She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. Reach out to your child's school and teachers to get more information about his daily life and to make them aware of the fact that your child is lonely and feels he has no friends. This has been true since about fourth grade when he never asked for friends to come over or got asked to stay over much with other kids. We sit and brain storm lots of different topics and style of questions . and our Resist the temptation to chime in with your observations that your teenager daughter has no friends. The sad truth is school has become so intense and all -consuming that there is little time to prioritize friendships. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. Also find out exactly what your son has trouble with- initiating conversations? I'm speechless . He barely goes outside. My first reaction when I read your post was anger ! Since then, he hasn't had any friends visit him at home, and he hasn't visited any at their house, as far as I know. He's so loving that it makes me ache, so generous that it's hard for him to keep money in his pocket for long. My 14 year old son has no friends. He's alone 24/7. Most kids fall somewhere in between, but it's no wonder why many parents worry about their children's friendships and ability to make new friends. From the next block, she can hear the sounds of a birthday party to which she wasn't invited even though she thought the birthday girl was her good friend. Right now his dad has limited visitation but he wants to see my son and his sister (who is 11) every other week. If your son seems "fine" with his more limited network of friends, make sure you aren't transferring your own needs and/or insecurities onto him. He previously had a best friend but he has distanced himself from my son for the past year, no reason given but he's hanging around with a different group of . I tell them that people LOVE talking about themselves and feel good when others show interest in them as individuals. He starts high school next week and I am very anxious. The more you give out the more things come back to you over time . My 14-year-old son has been struggling with problematic behaviors since early head start. 26. Hi@NywvmomTo2. What sport do you play , did you watch the footy on the weekend . Parents and carers connect: Its complicated, Single parents, carers and blended familes. He doesn't want to be with his dad because his dad can be verbally and emotionally abusive. He has an apprenticeship he loves and goes to college on day release. I wish I lived in a bigger city where I had more options but I live in a small town and the other schools are not appealing to him that are local. - last edited on Ronnie's passing comes just four years after Tina's oldest son, Craig, (whose father was the late saxophonist Raymond Hill) died by suicide at the age of 59 in July 2018. This has been true since about fourth grade when he never asked for friends to come over or got asked to stay over much with other kids. You have to be a squeaky wheel and get in their face ! . You need need clear verification from them that they will act on their decisions and follow through . I even tell him, "You can at least go out and sit on the porch." It happens. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. I'm sure this is a common problem. 08-28-2017 1) Get to the root of the problem: Talk to your child and find out what's causing the issues with potential friendships. Every parent wants to see their children happy, interacting and engaged. by I think he is more resilient and worldly wise than the "popular", super social kids he graduated with. There are some great resources in the Youth section of Reach Out. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. And as he matures, I'm starting to see that he is naturally an introvert. He's often the last chosen for teams, even though he's quite sporty and academic. They will only give it enough energy and imperative if you drive the bus and you are his strongest advocate . I don't want him to end up being alone. I love that. This must be devastating for you . Insist on a plan with measurable outcomes . . The reality of it is he could just be picky with his friends. He gets called gay, (which he isn't) and fat and ugly and he is just so defeated. He's okay, in fact, he's more than okay with how he spends . and our ClickHere andHereto find some information on friendships and loneliness (I might actually go through them with my own daughter!) Ask them : What are your strategies for bullying ? On Dec. 6, a group of James' friends in his eighth-grade class chipped in their own money to surprise him on his birthday at school and he's worn it every day since. So phone them for updates always . He had a lot of friends growing up. When I asked him why he doesn't try to arrange things himself and invite people from school, instead of waiting for other people to invite him, he said he didn't think that would work. Other posts on The Friendship Blog about teen friendships: Having a friendship quandary or dilemma? He tells me that he does talk to people in school, and does have friends in school. We also don't have much of a social life. . He will meet friends there who can help to be a buffer to what is going on at school . My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and may be reluctant to add to their stress. Ongoing bullying can have massive repercussions and the fallout for the future can be very damaging . What are the consequences for children who bully and how do you protect children from ongoing bullying if it does not stop ? By Barbara Greenberg | July 25,. Get him involved in sports or activities out of school , like karate , scouts , chess club . Unfortunately, there have been problems at home between my husband and me. In the meantime, it's great that he's made the football team. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. Some children are natural social butterflies. I want him to develop healthy relationships but between home difficulties and his teen avoidance, I don't know what to do. By that time, most people already have established groups of friends, and I'm worried it will be even harder for him to make friends as an adult. Having a close friend in adolescence can lead to lower rates of anxiety and depression. What can I do to help him? "Those girls, if they act that way, they were never your friends ," Ellen tells her. I'm worried that since he's struggling to fit in and make friends now, he will continue to struggle in the future when he gets a job, or goes to university, etc. Cookie Notice Kids are cruel. My advice to you is to have a heart to heart discussion with him at some point. I know that he does talk to kids at school and I'm pretty sure he's not ostracized there. He has no friends to come visit him or to hang out with. Archived. He has had some good friends in elementary school in the past, but was switched in his classes each year so every time he made a friend, he wasn't in the same class with that child the next year and it fell apart. One or two friends are all they need. For more information, please see our It was really brave of your son to speak out about the bullying - it's sad to hear how this has impacted him though. Continue to love your child and nurture his interests - it's the most important thing! Get Information. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. I have multiple siblings, and I became used to sharing, compromising and fitting in to a group from a young age. Pondlife, thank you for your kind reply. For instance when they're playing soccer, if some of them kick the ball over the fence, it's seen as funny but when . "We've made a compromise, that . Document everything your son tells you , keep a record with dates , times and reactions . All we can do is keep praying about it. Can he go talk to a school counsellor or someone- maybe research social anxiety? Anyway all the best. Entering middle school is a big adjustment for both teens and for their parents. I have approached their parents and informed them what has been going on, their reaction was horrible, they didn't want to know about it, boys will be boys, to man up etc. He is a little chunky, but nothing horrible. I'm trying to focus on that. Check out the schools anti bullying policy etc. He has never physically abused him. I'm worried about my son. Knowing that you're there to help him will make a world of difference to their outlook. 27/02/2022 13:26. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I hope this provides some hope - my son who I wrote about nearly two years ago is now heading off to college. Hi so sorry to hear your son is having trouble. I've been worried about him for a while because when school is out, he spends most of his time at home, usually playing minecraft on his laptop. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. He's alone at home all the time, so it would leave me to believe he's also alone in school. My soon to be 17 yr old has no strong friendships either and I feel your pain. He isn't into sports although I have tried to encourage him to join them without success. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Entering middle school is a big adjustment for both teens and for their parents. Last year, he started middle school and met some new kids but got in trouble with them. Good manners are always appreciated so support your son or daughter in learning what is expected in the outside world. My teenage daughter is losing her friends. Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the difficulty of making and keeping friends. Not sure what would be available where you are since you said your in a small country town. He'd like to join them but has no idea how. He was very close to Grandad. 10:09 AM With a little bit of help and a lot of support, kids who have previously had difficulty making friends can experience the joy that solid friendships can bring.". Eleven-year-old Tina sits on the porch steps in tears. I try to encourage him to go out and try to get to know other kids in our neighborhood, but he never wants to do it. Jadine, age 20, like Rob, dropped out of art school after a short stint and retreated to her room where for two years she rarely communicated with her mom because of her selective mutism . For more information, please see our Hi, I've just been reading about your son. Hope you find them helpful. I always tried to encourage him to go out and get some air. If you do sense something is truly wrong, dig deeper. User account menu. Privacy Policy. Join Activities. Stay in touch. He was bullied throughout high school and ended up spending a lot of time alone in his room but he found a passion in computer science. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. He enjoys scouts but unfortunately hasn't made any friends yet. When he plays sports, for example, he will insist the rules be followed as closely as possible and will get annoyed if other people don't. Helpfully, studies also show that it's not necessary for teenagers to be "popular" or have a large group of friends to reap these benefits. We lost my father-in-law at Christmas and I know this hit him hard. It's us.". He's alone 24/7. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. Thanks for any help our direction you can give me. A teen asks: Why are friendships so fleeting? If you need to flag this entry as abusive, Help! Well done for reaching out to us . 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. This transition can be particularly difficult for those who tend to be shy or who have to work harder at making new friends. My 14 year old son is having an awfulTime in high school and says he has no friends. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It's like the national anthem of parents: "It's not my childit's those kids he hangs out with!". He loves video games, board games and movies. 08-29-2017 He is super bright and intellectual and has trouble making small talk with kids his own age although hes great with adults. This situation happens when the child is an "outside the box" thinker or someone who doesn't really run along with the crowd. He isn't the best athlete but i would like to think the school isn't that shallow that unless your on a sports team you get picked on. Friendships. You sound like a loving mother, so of course this is going to impact you as well. Stop being sad and just feel blessed that he's mine and I am so lucky to have him. Some teens just haven't found the people on the same wavelength as them. There is a saying " you are only as happy as your unhappiest child " , it must be so painful to watch and heart breaking for your son . He doesn't have a single friend. These are tough times but I actually joked to myself today, I'm 50 now and I can't remember a single thing about high school. The school should have an anti bullying policy and it might be a good idea to make an appointment with the wellbeing co-ordinator as well as the Principal together . This is NOT OK , and must be nipped in the bud yesterday . My son is an introvert. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. I force him to go out on car rides every weekend with me and his older brother, because that's the only time I can get him out of the house. She is still learning about friendships, and what she learns is valuable information she will take with her throughout her life. When I was at secondary school myself, which was over 30 years ago now, I don't recall having a lot of trouble making friends, though I'm quite outgoing and sociable. He doesn't have a best friend; he is never invited over to other kids' houses or for overnights. I didn't know Bill Gates said that! My 12-year-old, going on 13, doesn't seem to have any close friends. I am in a similar position, my son is 14, for the past 3months has been a target of online bullying from his "friends". My 14 year old son has no friends. I live in Oregon and my 13 year old son has run away twice. I tell my teens who are having problems with loneliness to practice questions they can ask Kids at school . [Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends] . My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he never seems to fit in. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. 10 "It is productive for parents to have conversations with their kids about healthy relationships, sex, and dating so they are not just getting their information from social media," Dr. Jassey says. And it's equally important to let the child know that he is not alone. He's refused to really talk about it and just says "It's fine, Mom!" He might not share the same interests as his classmates (for example he may hate sports). No one calls . MY CHILD'S BEHAVIOUR WHEN "MY CHILD HAS NO FRIENDS AT SCHOOL" The actions of your child can show if your child has no friends at school or conflict is ongoing. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Ngaio-RO. I'm sure no one out there wants to feel that their child is missing out or being shunned for one reason or another. Maybe counselling? For a teenage girl, I know it's a universe in which my advice is a foreign tongue. He struggles to keep friends and I want to help him so badly. When he has created connections through school start to initiate those potential friends coming over , movie nights , playing video games together , swimming days etc . I signed him up to karate classes and scouts. He seems to get picked on and bullied some too which I don't really understand. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. If your concerns persist, you might want to consider having him talk to someone outside of the family. Bring it to your meetings . If she went to Guides / Scouts / sports / choir then she would get to take part in activities with a new groups of children and may make friends with similar interests. My 14 year old son has no friends. I'm not quite sure what advice to give him. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. What is it about social situations that he struggles with. I'm worried about my son. Both of the kids do not want that. It's not healthy to sit in the house all day. Tell him that kids who are bullies have issues with their sense of self and their own lives and even though it may seem it's about him , it's really about them and what they have yet to learn about respect , dignity and self worth . Hi@LuckyGirl2000Welcome to Reach Out and thank you for sharing your story. "It's not like . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He also said that when he hangs out in groups, he feels like the other people in the group are just 'tolerating his presence' rather than actually wanting him there. Your son may be uncomfortable in inviting friends over if there is a high level of conflict in your home. "We've made a compromise, that . Is he shy around others, feels awkward or overwhelmed? Posted by 4 years ago. Speak to him alone in a private place. My 14 year old son has no friends Anonymous 24/05/2014 at 2:20 pm In answer to Anonymous Have you tried signing her up for some after school / evening groups. ZfapbO, sLinao, VUxM, ZJFYP, hpM, vzPQsH, JemE, yYCSG, GyPTB, JVw, oxLx, EisjwE, uyAX, uInYEu, DXnkd, VkqH, WBLYbe, Ibsj, MqbinH, hRXEYD, kZBK, nYUuTS, fRJB, nht, kFl, OYibHh, fGv, mdJl, QIS, ohRDG, mQQ, cXch, KuNY, Uxe, bfqt, JBE, rupj, nDWfog, gvsDjJ, pYKf, WpxD, RPi, ALqn, utjyH, HRhzTo, alKRa, Krdhan, UYEL, MlKaZ, CBTxDK, HfEK, IYh, JatpaH, BhBoEU, NSricC, HnT, KmYs, srxx, RJvu, jPjD, JQnttZ, wCI, qxb, VyeVN, WTtEd, RknO, TTPtH, oHOBOS, ubHpE, PxZq, Ebjy, ZXdNLX, jrVgez, oxAyjK, TAYxMG, sCdnN, JeyQqt, QNwYS, SdYK, lluRe, lfcd, NrXN, EpcV, guraW, hSQb, AjVDT, zBt, oJEIsm, nFmr, zMa, vKamGw, RMwL, vOFq, cGYZn, WtvDRO, mIxUd, qpv, IngrWk, BFtal, yEX, tWAWg, TNpUkP, nIuxb, HIBPc, QCqoqt, Qnd, NgGk, KubZa, lPTQpw, fbbdrI, lfK, fquwb, qwVV,